Control is a concept I begrudgingly abandoned when I became a mother.
There is an element of chaos and unknown that comes along with being a parent. Broken arms. Waking up to bloody noses. Realizing the diaper has failed when you've got a baby on your hip in the middle of the grocery store and can feel a warm liquid slowly drench your skirt. Each day is unique and challenging in its own way.....and I like that, I am used to that - for the past 4.5 years it is what I have known.
Over the past month and a half we have been introduced to a different kind of unknown - a distinct uncertainty that has always existed but we have been oblivious to.
Life is uncertain by nature.
Sometimes the ground underneath us disappears.
And we fall.
We have learned that death is a part of life.
And sometimes it sucks, a lot.
Brannon's father died at 49. Brannon will be 30 next year.
Many questions, ideas, hopes and dreams have been thrown out on the table lately. Its as if we have suddenly realized, we don't have eternity on earth - we are not promised a good 80 years - we are promised nothing but the day and the moment we are in.
As a result, we hug each other a little tighter, visit family whenever we can, tell our kids how fantastic they are and try to make the most and the best of what we have in front of us.
The uncertainty that a sudden unexpected death creates is wide and deep. At times I wonder how we will ever navigate through it all and that is usually about the time I remember that we are not alone on this journey.
Another great post. Such an artist's eye with your photos. About control and uncertainty, when my oldest arrived six weeks early, I about threw away the notion on making plans. Sudden shifts (often hurts) bring me back to one thought I have. God knows strong winds are needed to grow deep roots and sturdy trees. Without pain, I might forget that I really do need my rescuer, Jesus. This life is a gift a s precious. Your blog reminds me of its frailty. Blessings to you!!
ReplyDelete