Remembrance

The wound is the place where the light enters you - Rumi

April 26th is my father-in-law's birthday.

Last year he would have turned 50 and as the big day approached without him here I felt an overwhelming pull to put something together...something simple but significant....something that acknowledged the importance of the day and celebrated his life.  Last April I booked our very first campsite.  I packed up our old tents in the van and surprised Brannon and the kids.  We set up our tents, sat by the fire and we shared stories of Greg.  And then we lit candles and placed them into mason jars, telling a story or wish with each one until we lined our entire campsite in glowing mason jars.  There were tears and there was grief but in that ebb and flow of pain there was a thread of calm and the beginnings of peace prying its way back into our hearts.

 (Thank you Mom, Dave and Annmarie for the idea).  

That thread of calm - that came from being outside and in nature.  And the longer we camped the more we realized we needed that thread.

A month later, we bought a camper and the rest is Balsley-family-camping history.

This year we repeated what is becoming a tradition in our little family of four, but this time with our beloved Rpod instead of our tents.  Less bugs, more running water.

 Everyone got to be part of the planning this year and Ben had his heart set on making his Grandfather's favorite kind of cake and eating it just like he remembers - with the piece of cake in a giant cup of milk.   He picked out napkins and plates - Ben is my party planner.

 In the rush to leave the house for the campground Ben asks me - 'Mom, candles for the cupcakes!  Did you buy a candle?!?'  Of course I hadn't because I'm about as organized as Amelia Bedila - so I pulled a hail mary, opened up all the kitchen drawers and ran my fingers all the way to the back hoping for a left over birthday candle to be laying around there somewhere...low and behold there was one candle stuck in the back of the last drawer I checked....this one:

 2.

Year 2 into this tradition.

 Acknowledging loss and creating a space to remember and grieve is a powerful thing.

Some very beautiful memories were made last night.

Bonds were strengthened.

I am loving this tradition.

I am loving the space it is making for questions and growth between us and our children and Brannon and I in our marriage.  

Until next time, in the words of Momastery- whose book I am currently devouring - Carry on, warriors.